11 quick calculations

1. Depression + Hair spray = Country Music

2. Relatives + Turkey = Depression

3. 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall - 99 Luft Balloons = Zero Mostel

4. Money + Ignorance = Television

5. (Patience + Insight) x Coffee = Poetry

6. (Patience + Silence) x Beer = Fishing

7. Sundays + Chinese Food = Reformed Judaism

8. (Wonderment + Macaroni'n'Cheese) - Driver's License= Childhood

9. (Rented Movie + Couch) +/- 30 minutes = Sleep

10. (Rice Krispie Treats + Free Sex) - Consequence = Utopia

11. Lukewarm coffee X (Telemarketers + Bennigans) = Hell