11 thoughts about planes and flying

1.
EVERY TIME I'M FLYING and the captain announces we're beginning our
descent, the same thing goes through my mind. While we're still pretty
high above the city, I'll think, if the plane went down now, we would
definitely not be OK. A bit lower, and no, we still wouldn't be OK. But
as we get real close to the ground, I'll think, OK, we're low enough, if
it crashed now, we might be OK.

2.
MY HUSBAND AND I were at the airport. While he was across the way
getting coffee and I was waiting reading the paper, he mouthed something
to me. I thought he was trying to tell me that a famous person was right
there, check it out! So I'm frantically searching, but couldn't find
anyone.
I looked back at him to mouth it again, fearing The Famous Person was
already too far away to be spotted. I then realized he was simply
saying, "Bring me the sports section."

3.
PEOPLE are either good or bad at their profession--good and bad
accountants, good and bad artists. What then constitutes a bad air
traffic controller, and what needs to happen before he/she is fired?

4.
IF A PLANE OF LOBSTERS went down in the Andes mountains and they had to
cannibalize one another, they'd be psyched. "Lobster again? Excellent!"

5.
AS I WALK THROUGH first-class to get to my coach seat, I always quickly
eye the first-class delegates, trying to figure out what they do or who
they "are" that enables them to fly so elitely. I'm always
extra-intrigued by those unassuming types: a disheveled teen-ager; an
un-rich looking fat guy; an old lady. It would be so helpful for us
coach travelers to be given a First-Class Roster, disclosing the gossipy
details of their good fortune.
SEAT 2A: Trust-fund kid. Flying to his mother's wedding (third
marriage). SEAT 3C: 3C's great grandfather made a fortune when he
invented the washcloth.
SEAT 5B: Racked up enough miles to upgrade.

6.
AFTER WATCHING A news report of a small plane that went down "killing
two," my reaction, much to my horror and shame, was actually
disappointment. I thought, "Only two? That's nothing," and I changed
the channel.

7.
I WAS SITTING NEXT to this engineer-type on an airplane and was suddenly
drawn to the big, Xeroxed document he was reading. It was titled,
"Surface Micromachines Gyroscope Fabrication." That's the exact title; I
was so intrigued by the words that I surreptitiously copied them down
word for word. About an hour later we started chatting and he told me
he worked for the government. I said, "What do you do?" And he said, "I
can't tell you. It's classified."

8.
WHEN YOU FLY you get to see all kinds of people--conservative business
men being especially rewarding--sleep with their mouths hanging open.

9.
ONE TIME I WAS ALMOST at the airport before I realized I left my wallet
at home. I was flying to New York, the city least likely to be kind and
understanding to a wallet-less soul. But I really needed to get on that
flight to make a meeting a couple hours later, so I decided to board and
pray for the best, nervously confident that I would figure something
out. The first part of the flight I just cried, wallowing in my
stupidity. The second part of the flight I panicked. And about 10
minutes before landing I extracted all the courage in my body to ask the
woman next to me if I could borrow some money just to get me to my
hotel, "and I'll mail you a check, I swear."
After awkwardly babbling my saga of woe and spaciness to her, one
question led to another, and it turned out I knew her son, who lived and
worked in New York. The satisfying epilogue was that a couple weeks
later, when I was back in Chicago, I got a call from her: "I received
this check from you, and I don't know who you are or why you gave it to
me." I had to actually remind her of the whole episode, which I could
not believe, and which just about matched me in absent-mindedness.


10.
Considering how much they're advertised in the in-flight magazines, it
looks like someone is actually be buying those "YOUR LOGO HERE" watches.

11.
I CAN'T HELP MYSELF from saving leftover food from my in-flight meal--a
pack of Sun Chips, a pre-packaged oatmeal raisin cookie, a banana--and
hoarding it in my purse for that moment later when I will be absolutely
famished and miles from civilization. Then I end up shuttling it back
and forth between purse/backpack/suitcase, schlepping it home, then
finally throwing it out a couple weeks later.